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BE YOU!

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My entire life came as a flashback to me when in an interview someone asked me, “What advice would you give to your younger self?”. Running the clips of my memories one by one in front of my eyes and I stood there watching it frame by frame.

It’s Wednesday, 2nd September ‘1989.
I clenched papa’s hand tightly as he stood beside me on the frozen city lake. He always wanted me to keep learning new things. This time was ice skating.
“You can do it”, he said.
But I’m too scared to even take a step ahead. I nodded my head from left to right. Papa turned towards me, took my hands in his, leaned forward and looked me in my eye.
“You’ll be fine.”
“Don’t be scared.”
“I’m here with you, and I won’t let you fall”, he said.
I stood there looking into his eyes. His mighty brown eyes. Capable of convincing you by transcending confidence and love at the same time. I knew he won’t let me fall.
Convinced with his eyes, I took a step ahead and slowly dragged my body along, trying to maintain the balance.
Almost about two hours later I was sweeping across the icy floor. I was gliding over it, like a kite in the sky. Papa was looking at me. His eyes curled at the edges because of the huge smile.

He has always been a passionate father and an ambitious human. He believed that being authentic was all that matters. He loved others for who they were inside and not for how they looked. He wanted me to nurture my gifts and told me how it was courageous to be different from others. I wish he was here today. So that he could see that the world doesn’t accept us for being different, how it tries to suppress the ones who stand out. The world we live in is full of fake things and fake people. Growing up we all learn about how we should behave in a specific way, that we should wear specific clothes, and like specific things. I remember how I never liked to have long hair but mum would never let me cut it because she believed that girls should always have long hair. As if having short hair made me less of a girl that I’m. Growing up I started believing in these lies the world foisted upon me. I started to doubt myself. I became ignorant of the tiny voice that was within. I abandoned my dreams, I traded my beliefs and buried my values.
I was so fervent for becoming the part of the world that I gave up on the things that made me unique. I became a part of this masquerade party, where everyone was hiding their truth behind their disguise.

It took me a while to understand the fact that I mattered. That my dreams aren’t just soap bubbles that would pop and die. I understood that what makes me different is what makes me strong and that is my gift. That is when I took off the false mask off my mind and soul. I had to revamp my life and foster my beliefs.

Today I’m fearless. I know who I am and what I can do. I had to relearn a few things. One of them that if I wanted to influence the world, I couldn’t have done it if I had been just like it. I learned that people may hate you for being different and not living up to society’s standards but deep down, they wish they had the courage to do the same.

“What advice would you give to young Linda?”, the reporter asked me again.
I smiled and replied
“Be you!”

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UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN..

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I still remember the time I first met you. Summer of high school was it? I remember because my life hasn’t been the same since then. Growing up, I never really thought that I would love someone so deeply. But your smile made me do it. Oh, the smile! For the seventy-five years that we were together, you never really had to convince me of anything. Your smile did all the convincing.
Now that you are gone, I miss that smile of yours. I try to find it around our house. Sometimes when walking into our living room, my eyes search you around, believing that I’ll find you sitting on the sofa watching television, with your feet on the center table, and your socks lying next to you on the sofa. You never learned that the socks aren’t supposed to be on the sofa, did you?
Yet my eyes search you, and then I see you, looking at me with a grin on your face, through the picture of yours that hangs on the wall near the stairs
Sometimes I curse the God for taking you away from me but, then I remember you saying that everything happens for a reason. So I start looking for the reason. I haven’t found any.
Then I put the blame on you. Why did you go so early? Why did you leave me behind? What happened to our pact, and the vows we took on the day of our wedding?
You didn’t even say goodbye.

Not anymore, you cannot get done with it so easily. Ours was the true love. This isn’t the end. You have to keep your promises, if not in this life then in the next one. But before that, I have to get through this one, and for that, I have to let go of you from this life. Will you help me?
Yes, I’ll still keep on treasuring our memories, and will keep on talking to the polaroids. The cold bed doesn’t bother me anymore because my heart is warm with your love.
So just to celebrate this new beginning, I’m wearing my purple dress, the one that you gave me on our sixtieth marriage anniversary. I stand here looking at this beautiful sunset, waiting to meet you on the other side.

I won’t say goodbye. I’ll say UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.

Yours Beloved.

 

 

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TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

           I’m sitting on this swing that i have in the backyard of my house. I’m sitting here since 3 hours now (that’s what my wristwatch says) but I happen to disagree with it cause come on, “I have finished  listening to just one song yet. Well I agree I have the song repeat but still, does that prove you’re right?”

      The fact that I no more swing but just sit is not that it doesn’t move but, I guess the weight of  the emotions i’m carrying on my head is too much for this little thing to move with. Talking about emotions, I must say I’m ‘depressed’, well I’m not sad or upset, i’m depressed. Well Depression is not just a feeling, It is more of a devil than that. It’s an ’emotion.’ Because, it forces you to express itself. It steals you from all the joy and exhilaration you have in your life and throws you in a void. A void that seems too hard to fill in with your confidence and beliefs. It’s like lake water seeping into the dead ocean, drowning into that salty giant by suffocating your own sweet taste. Even before you call for help, you’re the dead ocean yourself.

That is just a rough idea of what i’m going through right now. Maybe you are with me into this as well. Maybe you’re too feeling…, i’m sorry, “experiencing” such a similar thing in your life. Do you feel lonely too? I won’t say alone because, you’re alone only when you’re alone, when there is no one around. But loneliness can creep onto you even in some of the most crowded places. 

     I don’t feel good about my situation. I know it has to change and there is no one to help me out, even the antidepressants are too tired to work for me.

Little did I know, that the help I was reaching for is already offering me a hand. And that I was just being a little too skeptical about the strength that I had in me all this time. But I’m slowly realizing that this will go on forever unless I take charge it. It’s my life and I got to be the one sitting on the control panel. I can’t let Mr. Dreadful Depression be incharge, can I?  Not anymore. My swing too agrees with me now with its slow back and forth movement, which is by the way catching its pace as I re-instill faith in myself.

      So what are you waiting for? Are you still gonna sulk about how can your ex move on so easily. Also, I saw my ex-girlfriend yesterday with her new boyfriend (she is such a bitch). Let me tell you,  people move on pretty fast. You should too. Stop waiting on that swing, hoping that somebody will come in and help you through this shit. That ain’t happening, you have to get through it all by yourself, even if that means crawling your way out.

We all have our thirteen reasons to give up on life or give into depression. But my friend, it’s time that you find your thirteen reasons to live more.

Believe or not but life is too precious to waste on a stationary swing, allowing  yourself to get consumed by the dreadful thoughts. Instead, you have to jump out of it in order to take on the next big tide in your life. 

I am jumping, are you? Come on join me, three…. get prepared, two……. are you coming or not……? here we go……, one. JUMP. 

(dash…. bone cracking sounds).

P.S but if anyone has heard of a depression club, then count me in. ♥  

CAN LOVE HAPPEN TWICE? 

When fate dosen’t fulfill you anymore, it’s always important to believe in your Dream.
The only question that remains is, will you?

   

  

    ​I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair- it just won’t behave. I have to look good today, after all, it’s my first date (i like to call it a date). Well, it is the first, after my ugly divorce with ‘fate‘. 

            I’m wearing my cherry red dress, the one that fate gave me on our anniversary, it’s been a year since we were together. My memory of that night is as bright as the color of my dress, I remember how he gifted me the dress and insisted me to wear it for the dinner we were going to that evening and how I resisted, thinking that I would look like a cherry tomato with it.  But he believed that I will look beautiful, that’s how he convinced me(he was always good at it). We went to our favorite restaurant and just as I was having a sip of my favorite soup, he stopped, got up and went on his knee. I couldn’t believe all this was happening so soon.  He pulled his right hand from behind his back and presented me a ring, wrapped in a beautiful box of purple orchids(i would marry a ghost if it’s for purple orchids). I stood there all this time really looking as a cherry tomato, cause I just couldn’t stop blushing. That is how we got married. Everything was lovely in my life,  all was good. 

              But things got different with time. My bond with fate was not in love so much now, in fact, there wasn’t any love left on our plate. Our relationship was living on fights and arguments. I really have loved him, but he was different then. He promised me many things when we were together, he told me he’ll take me to places I haven’t seen before,  he promised me to gift me all the happiness in life.  But maybe promises are meant to be broken. That’s why he didn’t keep his either. I started to feel encaged, suffocating in this claustrophobic marriage that once was a fairytale.

              I remember sobbing on my bathroom floor every night for five weeks consecutively. It wasn’t until one day when I finally made my decision to leave that relationship and that marriage and decided to take charge of my life and that’s how I ended up here. 
               I never thought I would start dating again but,  it’s all beautiful, especially with ‘Dream‘ (well she’s the one I’m going out with for my dinner date). Things are different around ‘dream‘, I feel like a completely different person when I am with her,  she is funny and charming, chirpy like a canary. She is filled with this immense joy which also reflects onto the people she’s with.  She tells me stories about the place she comes from,  ‘WONDERLAND’  if I’m not wrong,  she tells me how lovely the place is,  she’s also promised to take me there someday too. To WONDERLAND.
                We met for the dinner,  she looked like a purple orchid in that purple dress (my favorite). We had our food perfectly savored with dream’s chattering. I didn’t really pay any attention to what she was blabbering about, because, all I was doing was asking a question to myself,  one question, can love happens twice? 

I’LL DO IT LATER: A TORPID TALE OF PROCRASTINATION 

How beautifully it is explained, the nature of humankind, just in two lines. Isn’t it true that “I’ll do it later” has become our leitmotif and “next time” our favorite phrase? Procrastination has become like our favorite pet, wherever we go it follows us. We resist to do things now and adjourn them assuming do it the next time. Here the next time is nothing but a web of deceit and yet we all are beguiled in this mesh. From getting a job, to playing an instrument. From following our dream to learning a new language. From making a decision to going to the loo. We procrastinate all.

But why do we procrastinate? You might say it is helpful in a way to procrastinate in the beginning before acting on an impulsive thought rather than finding it in the end that it was just an impulse. Well, the problem is not in procrastinating but it’s when the “next time” becomes never. We have got used to it so much that now we tend to procrastinate little things, just say, going to the loo. 

We all understand it well but are too lazy to stop it.  Procrastination is hands down our favorite form of self-sabotage.

*18+ alert*

*procrastination is just like masturbation, fun until you realize that you just fucked yourself*

There are two types of people,  the one is the goal setters and the others are the goal achievers. And the only thing that separates the achievers from the setters is that they are the ones who do things in the moment, sometimes they fail but, they fail fearlessly. They not just set the goals but actually work towards ’em to achieve. So where do you find yourself? Are you a goal achiever or just a setter. Because the most important key to great success is to decide upon your goal, launch, get started, take action, move.

So don’t let your ambitions get handicapped by the laziness. Today, stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on why you must make it happen. Begin to get it done cause dreams don’t work unless you do. 

Delaying is gonna give you nothing. Delay is just an assassin of opportunity. And laziness is the thief of time. laziness leads many people astray.

Dear friend, the wheel of time spins and it spins fast, once you loose your grip, it’s difficult to catch up.

So take the first step here and now. Make a decision. Whatever you want to do, do it now!

Cause there are only so many tomorrows.

Where do you start then?  Here, now or there is still a tomorrow coming… ♥ 

REWRITING THE SOULSCRIPT ♥ 

“One day. I am going to fulfill my dream, I am gonna go out there and just make it happen. I am going to live my life to the highest potential of my being ….. one day….”

If asked, “why not today?”  Why not make this day the desired ‘one day’. Ninety percent of the time our response is exactly the same, with similar words and similar reasons. We say “it’s not the time, I don’t have enough money, I don’t have a proper team, I am not sure about it or I don’t have space, don’t know the process, I don’t this, I don’t that, just I bloody don’t.

When you pay attention to the above statements, you’ll find that most of the time we tend to back off by complaining about the lack of resources that we encountered. Also, the resources that we talk about aren’t just the resources we need. What about love, passion, courage and dedication? The love for the work,  the passion for it, the hearty courage and the consistent dedication of making it happen. Yet nobody talks about them and simply complain about the other less important factors. Do you see where does the problem lie here? 

The problem is that we tend to grumble about the resources which aren’t present instead of utilizing the ones which are present. 

So resources are never a problem, its resourcefulness that creates all of them. It all depends on how resourceful you are despite the complexities.
Conditioning has really shaped this world. One of the gifts that conditioning has given us is that it has made all of us storytellers. We all love to tell stories, the real ones and sometimes the made-up versions, the fiction we call it. Now it’s not bad to tell stories but sometimes the context of these stories can be subjective to be minacious. Do you wanna know what’s stopping you?

It’s you. It might come as a surprise but it is true that these terrible tiny tales we tell ourselves are actually the ones that are holding us back. These are the stories that you soliloquy about how you aren’t capable enough, brave enough, strong enough, worthy enough, that you can’t do it,  you could not make it, that it’s better not to try and be in the bubble in protection. These are the stories that disempower you, which you use to console oneself, these are the ones that can tear you apart. And it is you who’s telling all these tales cause you doubt yourself, you’re afraid. You don’t like to be in pain. What if it won’t work out? what if it hurts me? We fear the pain, but that’s where you have to start the work. I’ll tell you what pain means, PAIN stands for PAY ATTENTION INWARD NOW. It is the fuel that’ll drive you towards the light, through the tenebrosity of the tunnel called life. You got to pay attention inward,  within your heart, inside your brain and figure out the things that are no longer pushing you forward and leave them behind,  you don’t need them. 
We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves, so I want you to get still and pay attention to the stories that you had been telling yourself all your life. If you find it to be a negative one then erase it and rewrite another, write the ones that inspire you, motivates you, that keeps you going, which tell your worth. 

Believe in yourself, don’t doubt yourself.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

Stop living in the past, as living your history, you are doing it at the expense of your destiny.
Hold the brush and paint the bigger picture, pick up the pen and start writing the script of your life. Write that you could, you can and you will. Now or never. ♥

TIK TOK 

657986Tik..tok… tik.. tok….tik…tok.. . And the world revolves around the clock. Yet some of us stand still and stubborn waiting and whining for the right time to arrive. If you’re waiting for the same, let me tell you that this wait is gonna be eternal. It’s never ending unless you put an end to it.
We all are given a certain amount of time to try out our lives, our destinies, our hopes, our plans. And this certain Amount is always decreasing from this moment forward. It’s getting smaller and smaller with every passing minute. It is said that time is wealth, so with every passing second, you are surrendering your wealth. But here there is no chance of receiving it back as you cannot buy it, cannot grow it, cannot ask for more, all you can do is to lose it.
We all want to succeed in our lives, we all want to shine like diamonds in the world of rocks. But we waste our time, we abuse it and if nothing works out we get comfortable in the luxury of BMW(bitching, mourning and whining).

But we don’t have any revolutionary magic to help us. And that’s where the mind-shift needs to take place. We need to create that pressure for ourselves to be those diamonds, so stop worrying and stop wasting and leave here with a decision. The decision to do the good you’ve come to do and get about the business of doing it. But make sure you are going to step into what is the truth of your life. I don’t need to tell you what that truth is because you really know what it is and what it isn’t. Find what makes your heart burn with passion. And next time you find yourself wasting this precious gift, pause of a moment and utilize that moment for better. Do it, start living the life of your dreams, you can do it cause its possible and it’s possible only if you do it NOW.

We all are blessed with 86,400 times with new opportunities to create change every day. We just gotta use it mindfully. You might be scared cause you don’t know it all but, you don’t need to know it all. Sometimes you can go wrong. Be willing to go wrong cause you haven’t stopped growing, you haven’t stopped learning.
It’s also not gonna happen overnight, you have to take one step forward in the right direction and then the other. Do it again and again and be consistent, cause that’s the only way to reach there.

As you’ve learned it all, stop wasting your time here, get there, get out and put up that fight, don’t give in to the fear, don’t give in to the anxiety.
Guard your time fiercely, be generous with it, but be intentional about it.
Be intelligent and spend it wisely. It’s your time, your clock, your wings, your trip, your journey, your healing, your loving, your wealth, your body. It’s you and your time.

And it doesn’t matter whether you pay attention or not cause the clock always goes tik….tok….. tik…tok..tik. .tok and it goes on…e7305c5bc2f2f29e44e347d84ca9a935